Warning: This is a long post.
How can 4 months go by so fast? Wow.
Yes, it's 4 months to the day that my son walked into a homecoming 'mob' at the airport; 4 months to the day that he saw his room, explored our home, and fell asleep in his bed for the first time.
I've been taking my time on this post because - for starters - I want to give Sam more of my attention than my blog. I also have been slow to update you in part because I didn't want to be too hasty to give a 'status report'. But mostly, I took my time because the fight we fought and the rollercoaster of emotions we went through to get Sam home was so intense for me, that I actually had to take a step back and just let go of the process and the story for a bit, and just enjoy the peace and joy of him being home.
Now, after 4 months of Sam being home, I wanted to let you in through this blog post to see how it's going and what happened when we 'disappeared' from the blog for so long.
No, that's not true.
The truth is, I'd actually like to just share the update -the good stuff- and to simply forget most of May through most of October. In some senses, I'd like nothing more than for this blog to just disappear. But it can't.
I owe it to you, my friends and supporters, to share with you what happened to us through this adoption. I owe it to people searching Google for adoptive blogs, to not hide the ugly, painful parts. I owe it to people who invested in and donated to our family to at least share how we're doing now that Sam's finally home. And I also believe, (resist it though I might), that I owe it to my family and myself, to release it, and to let this be therapeutic, and healing.
So, here's the update and the story of the last 10 months, as promised.
Update: So far, so very, very good! Sam is adjusting incredibly well! We keep thanking God that our sweet boy has only gotten sweeter! I honestly can't believe he is home and that he is such a happy, funny, and smart boy! Sam loves hugs, vehicles, snowmen, Mac N Cheese, jeans with pockets he can put his hands in, and his grandparents. He's learning English quick, and eats his food really slow. He prays (unprompted) at least twice at dinner, with the most innocent little voice I've ever heard. He loves to make people laugh and be silly! He has started saying, "Look at me", if he's talking to us but thinks we're distracted. He also has some funny catch phrases like "Pank you" (i.e. thank you), "Let's go super fast!", "Like Uncle Andy" (for anything camouflage), and "I can not leave it!" (i.e. I can not believe it). He also enjoys being helpful with the laundry and cooking! He only wears diapers at night now, and he's been sleeping through the night since his second week here! Everything is going as well as it could be! We are so blessed and thankful that he's transitioning so well!
The story: (This is the 'short' version of a very long and detailed story.) In early May, we started prepping to leave for home from Uganda; in just a couple days we would go to the U.S. Embassy to drop off documents and interview for our son's U.S. visa. We had no idea then that the next couple days would be among the most painful of our lives.
When we went in to drop off our documents at the U.S. Embassy, the people there asked us for two things that were not necessary, (or possible to get), in order to approve our son's visa to come to the U.S. They gave us an exit interview two days later anyway. We were a bit concerned that they were asking us for so much that they did not ask anyone else for. They did, however, ask us to bring in one piece of paperwork, (that had been left out of our packet from our attorney), the following day.
Short version of the next day = the Embassy gave us the run-around and would not let us come in and drop off the papers and asked us to come back the next morning, before our exit interview appointment in the afternoon.
The following morning we drove to the U.S. Embassy to try to drop off the paperwork again, and we finally were able to get it in to them. They told us to come back as planned for our exit interview that afternoon.
We showed up a half hour early for our afternoon exit interview and waited for them to call us in. We waited for about an hour, (with the adoption visa case before us being one that they were 'not able to approve', making us more nervous). Then they called us in the room to discuss what we were there for/why we were adopting, as well as to talk over some of the information in Sam's visa application/adoption paperwork. At that point they asked us to go out and wait until they called us back in. When we were finally asked to come back, the Vice Counsel told us that he 'regretted' to inform us that he would need to forward our paperwork to the U.S. Citizenship & Immigration Services (USCIS) office in Rome to further review, and to make the decision as to whether or not they would issue Sam a U.S. visa. It was a 'not able to approve' status for our son's visa too. We asked many questions and told him that we felt that his reasons for sending it off were not real/valid/pertinent, but nothing we said helped, and he sent our case off to Rome.
* I was so mad at the injustice and the treatment we received by our own Embassy... the man who had just decided the fate of my son's visa was being paid by my own tax dollars. But I also felt a peace come over me that allowed me to keep it together until we left the U.S. Embassy.
I was in shock.
The crazy part to me was that he was already
legally our son, we had the court order and legal guardianship documents to prove it, but the U.S. wouldn't issue him a visa to come home with us.
Initially, I felt like I was supposed to stay in Uganda with our son until his visa was approved, and I was terrified. I had already had Tony to stay with me for two weeks after he had planned to leave, and I had no idea how I would manage parenting a toddler alone in a foreign country, but still I said "Yes" to staying with our son, and prepared to say "Goodbye" to Tony. I cancelled my plane ticket, and settled in.
The next day we spoke with an immigration attorney in the U.S. about what the time frame typically looked like with cases sent to USCIS Rome, what decision to expect from Rome, how to best prepare, etc. She said that in the very
best case scenario, we were still looking at close to two months until we could bring him home, (but likely longer).
I prayed for strength.
Then all of a sudden I felt God telling me it was ok to go, and that He had wanted my "Yes" (to stay with our son) for my own sake -I now knew I had 100% committed to staying for my little boy's sake- but that I needed to go home and fight for my son from home, (as well as keep my job and not pay for a mortgage while also paying for a rental in Uganda, etc.) So our dear friends offered to parent our son until we returned, and Tony and I packed two bags for home, and one bag full of the little man's clothes, food and toys for an indefinitely long stay with our friends.
Then we said our hardest "Goodbye" ever. We cried bitter tears. We held hands, kissed, hugged, took pictures and cried some more. Our son, who we'd spent the last 40-or-so days bonding and growing with, watched us leave him to catch a plane, while he drove away to another new home with another new family.
There are no adequate words for the plane rides home. They spanned a hellish 24 hours. I kept replaying our entire trip, especially the last week, over and over in my mind. I was dizzy thinking through the 'what ifs' and 'should haves'. I remember feeling so excited to get home to 'my world', and at the same time feeling like the majority of my heart had dissolved, like the proverbial pill that was so hard to swallow. I wondered if it was too late to catch another flight back to Uganda, to run back to my precious child.
We arrived home Mothers Day afternoon. Many of you will recall
my prayer for being home on that day. I could never have imagined it would look like this -separated from my only child on the day that celebrated our bond, and missing brunch with my own mother- it was like a cruel joke. I walked into my home a broken and scarred woman.
I wish I could say that I had a lot of faith and lived by quoting one of the lines I so often shared, like "God will work this out for His glory" or "Someday this will all make sense" or any number of Bible verses I cling to... but the truth is, I was down for the count, and was grieving heavily inside.
I woke up each morning for the next few weeks feeling entirely numb and wondering why I had even thought to adopt.
And then, as more time passed, I looked all around and saw God picking up the shattered pieces of my heart off the floor. He had already started long before I noticed.
Week by week, day by day, I found myself realizing that no matter the effort I put in to fixing the problem and the number of tears I cried, I could do virtually nothing to unite my family and heal my heart.
But God could.
And He did.
As we were growing in our faith and learning to trust the Lord's timing, months were passing by and there was still no word on our son's U.S. visa.
Finally in late July, Tony received a word from God saying that our answer from USCIS would come on August 14th. Tony and I decided to believe it. Then God asked me to take it a step further and share the date He had given us with all our friends and family who we'd been updating on our process; I felt very vulnerable making this claim for God, but the more I thought and prayed about it, the more I realized God didn't need me to protect Him.
So I told everyone who we'd been keeping in the loop.
On August 14th, (toward the end of the work day in Rome), USCIS in fact contacted us to let us know they needed some additional documentation before they could approve or deny our little boy's visa.
An answer. Finally!
Can you even believe it?
Some days I still can hardly grasp it!
God showed up on the
exact day He said he would. And even though we still had work to do, and even after
81 days had passed, this fulfilled word from God reminded us that this whole adoption was His from the beginning, and we just needed to keep walking in faith, trusting Him!
From August 14th until mid-September, we worked with our attorney to put together a case for our son's visa in addition to the documents requested.
On October 7th,
after 5 months of waiting, we got the email - our son's visa application was
approved!
The next few weeks of waiting for his paperwork to journey from USCIS in Rome to the U.S. Embassy in Uganda dragged on, but on October 24th we landed in Uganda and ran out into the parking lot of the airport to hug our sweet little boy who was right there waiting for us with a big smile! It is a moment that I will never forget - seeing his face again for the first time in six months and holding him close.
As you likely read in my
post from October 31st, we arrived home on October 27th, 2015... all three of us this time! Hallelujah!
So now you know why we dropped off the face of the earth, (or, really, why we dropped off of the Facebook), and why the blog sat silent for so long. We had to be extra careful what details we shared due to the
* from above, (detailed below), for our son's safety and so as to not attract any unwanted attention.
Beyond the story: I still feel robbed of so much time with my son, but what the devil intended for evil, God used for good; in our time apart, Tony and I learned to cling to the Lord, (onto His Word, His promises, and to all that He is), while our dear little boy learned what it was like to be a part of a family by living with our friends.
I would never, ever want to relive that experience, but I thank God for that time and the woman of faith it made me. My trust in the Lord, His provision and timing had never been stronger than in those months as He purified my faith in that hellish fiery trial. Even in those most dark of days, God was faithful.
To God be the glory.
Looking back on it all now, and even rereading this blog post as I write it, I know that I can never do justice to this story even in the most detailed writing. The truth is, even though it's a painful past to recount, I'm not even able to put to words those things which haunted me the most in the six months we waited. I see now that all I can do is recount the events and tell of my wounds, all while pointing to God and saying: "Only through Jesus."
Each morning I was able to get out of bed - only through Jesus.
In every pleading email to our state representatives, government official, and USCIS - only through Jesus.
During every painful and squirmish conversation about my family or our adoption - only through Jesus.
All the events we planned to have our son home for - only through Jesus.
Holding it together as I saw the many mother and child photos on Facebook or family playing together in the summer sun - only through Jesus.
When I hit rock bottom, realizing there was nothing I could do to get my son home any faster - only through Jesus.
Finding a deeper faith in God and strength through community - only through Jesus.
A miraculous word from God at just the right hour - only through Jesus.
The approval of our son's visa just hours after we were told it would likely be several weeks longer - only through Jesus.
And most importantly?
An orphan becoming a treasured son, yes, a homeless little boy brought home with great rejoicing - only through Jesus!
*During this time a 'public figure' had been becoming more effective in his mission to shut down international adoptions in Uganda; his aim was (and still is) to make Ugandan adoptions as hard as possible for adopting families, and to eventually completely get rid of international adoptions. Unfortunately for us, he had gained a lot of ground in the spring of 2015, and we believe he and his followers had a hand in our son's visa not being approved while at the U.S. Embassy; we also believe that he had to do with the Embassy's 'tightened' (read: 'made up') reasons for not issuing our son a U.S. visa. All the cases we know of that were similar to our son's, in the past, had been approved by the Embassy, so we have no idea why our case should have been any different, except for this 'public figure' having connections at the Embassy during that time frame. Our son's case is as legit as can be and it should not have been sent off to USCIS Rome for further examination, but should have been approved immediately on the day we had our exit interview. This is part of the reason we disappeared from Facebook and the blog for so long. This 'public figure' is a paid volunteer for UNICEF, take that how you will, but I can tell you that my donations will never go into the pockets of this man or UNICEF ever again, for as long as they make it a priority to destroy adoptive families.
