My First Year of Motherhood

Photo from the night we legally became a family

One year ago today, Sam became our son.

365 days ago, I (legally) became a mother.

In this first year of motherhood I have learned so much. I have braved more than I thought I would. I have fought many battles - some with the government, some with the devil, and some with myself. I have been weak more than I care to admit, and I have grown stronger than I imagined I could be.

I never in a million years would have imagined that I would spend nearly half the first year of motherhood separated from my child. I couldn't have pictured sharing the title 'Mommy' with another mother, (his foster mom), for nearly six months of my first year as his mama. I could have never dreamed I'd be so blessed as to have such an amazing friend as Sam's foster mom, who would treat my son as her own for half a year; co-parenting with her was an experience that I will forever cherish.

In one year, Sam has gone from saying one or two words in English, (to get what he wanted), to never shutting his mouth during his waking hours. He has lost his chubby cheeks and replaced his round, 'baby' body with the taller, leaner one of a toddler. The boy who one year ago preferred rolls and eggs to all other foods, now eats everything, (though he still prefers eggs over most other foods)! He has become more and more inquisitive with every passing week. Each month we look back and think about his new 'catch phrases', while wondering where some of the cute old ones went.

Sam has been allowed to grow more in this past year of life than ever before. All his caregivers at the orphanage and his social worker knew him as a very quiet, contemplative child before he left the orphanage one year ago. In the last 12 months Sam has blossomed, and his true self is loud, energetic, silly, and sometimes just down-right crazy! With parents constantly by his side to encourage and teach him, he has grown into his personality and has really showed off how smart he is!

I have grown so much as a person in my first year as a mother. I have also learned so much about what it really means to be a mom in my first year of motherhood.

Watching Sam, I see how he has flourished in the care of a loving mother and father in just one year. I see the story of a reserved, timid almost-toddler being transformed into the tale of a courageous, hilarious little boy.

It took us both time, but Sam and I fit into our roles so well now as mother and son, and as I look back over the past year to see how we got here, I am blown away by all that happened to get us to this point.

Four things I continue to be amazed at the impact of when I look back over the past year:

• Prayer warriors lifting our family up to God
• Strangers and friends generously donating to our adoption; people who believe that every child deserves a family, and put their money where their heart is
• Friends and family who stuck by us on our hardest days and have been there for us as new parents
• God's faithfulness, grace, presence and peace; He has always been enough

And finally, I wanted to put a note out here, for Sam to find someday. I don't know if you will ever read this, Sam, (maybe blogs wont exist in the future, or maybe you just will chose not to read my posts), however I think by the time you can read I will have already told you this enough that you will know it without having to ever see it on the blog, but here goes:

Sam, I love you more than I can express. You bring so much joy to my life, and you make every day an adventure. You are the easiest child to parent; you make my job simple. (If anyone makes parenting hard for me, it's me.) Your smile and laugh light up the room, and your big personality has already touched so many hearts.  

Son, not a day goes by that I don't recognize how blessed I was one year ago from this very day that you legally became my little boy, and that we became a family. You are more than I could have ever hoped for or dreamed of. Everything you are makes me want to be a better person. 

When I look back over my lifetime, I know I will have had more than any person's fair share of happy memories, all because you are part of my life, and I have the privileged of calling you my son. I promise to never take your love and my role in your life for granted. As our family grows over the years, I want you to remember that you were the child who made me a mother, and that we share that is very sacred to me. 

I have been so blessed by this first year of being your mama, and can hardly wait to see what the next year will bring. I love you all the way up to the stars, and all the way back down again, Samuel.