Life in Uganda (Day 3)

(Written last night by Tara, approved this morning by Tony) It is getting late here in Uganda. It is dark in my room, and I can hear both of my boys deeply breathing as they sleep next to me. Both, as in Tony and my son. God is good! The past few days have held so much that I don't even know where to begin, so I will just try and detail it from the start: The flights were quite frankly exhausting, especially since we were trying to get our body's in sync with the Ugandan time clock, which is 8 or 9 (I cant remember which) hours ahead of US time, so we were a bit out of sorts when we finally arrived in Uganda about 24 hours after we left home. The airport was confusing, and in the mugginess of the night, I was extremely stressed and anxious between getting our 'medical check', visa, checked bags, and exchanging money done. Thank goodness for dear Immy, our case worker here, and our now beloved friend - she was right there waiting to pick us up and bring us to a safe, lovely residence to stay for the night. By the time we got everything done at the airport and after the drive to the capital city of Kampala, it was already about 12:15am Uganda time, so we went right to sleep. The next morning we went out to get some shopping done, since we needed to buy a mosquito net and a few other necessaries in Kampala before heading out to our son's city. We got to meet some other adoptive parent friends who we'd been hoping to meet here, (since they are from Alaska, and we likely wont be seeing them for a while once they get back there)! We then drove off to go meet our son for the very first time... kind of. We needed to make a pit stop at the probation officer's office on the way, to discuss our son's case with her and explain who we are to her so that she could honestly tell the judge that she met us and thought we were ok parents for our son. Finally, after meeting with her, we were given the ok to go see our little boy. When we pulled up to the orphanage, it was just about dinner time and there were not too many kids around, but as soon as we got in to the common space where they eat and bathe (yes, both in the same space) we saw him. I knew immediately he was mine, and I video taped as Tony went to go meet him. At first he seemed to not care about us either way, which is a little disheartening, but what I will always remember is leaving him at the orphanage that first night, he cried when I put him down to leave. He wasn't ready to show us he liked us yet, but he wasn't ready to have us leave him either. From the orphanage, we went to our new accommodations in our son's home town. It is not posh. The guest room where we are staying is uncommonly nice for any Ugandan to have in their home. We are grateful. Without them opening up their home, we would not be able to have Sam stay with us. We also have the most delightful hosts, (and their two youngest sons are our son's new buddies)! The next morning, (Saturday), we set out to go pick him up so that we could bring him to our 'house'. He did seem a bit surprised to see us again, and was very quiet until we got him to the 'house'... then he started chit chatting with our hosts' sons, (one is only a year older than him, we believe), so that was a huge blessing too! Now, he's been giggling, eating a ton, and becoming a total daddy's boy. And we think he's just the cutest, most intelligent little boy. As I've been typing this, he's rolled around a few times, sometimes grabbing my arm or snuggling his head into me. He's so sweet. We feel so blessed. I hope to share more later, but I wanted to at least let you know how these first few days have gone, and really I also wanted to remember all the moments and feelings for myself! It's now late and we have an early morning tomorrow, so I am heading to bed! Please continue to pray for us! We love you and are thankful for you all!

One Week 'til I'm "Mama"

One week from this moment, I will likely be very sleep deprived.

One week from now I will have been on Ugandan soil for about 24 hours.

One week from this morning we will have shopped for mosquito nets, SIM cards and fresh fruit at the market.

One week from today we will have driven from the capital city to my son's home town, (a part nervous, part excited mess).

One week from this very day, I will be meeting my son for the very first time.

One week from this very second, I will be Sam's Mama.

One week until my heart is whole again.

One week... our new family begins in just one week.

BIG News ... HUGE Change...

Well, this is how things go in Africa!

Friends, are you ready for some BIG, HUGE news?

We got a call this morning saying our judge wants to see us on April 2nd now... we were originally scheduled for the 14th...

Guys, we now leave one week from today! We fly out March 25th!

This is just crazy.

We went from being a little under 3 weeks away to being 1 week away in the time it took to answer the phone.

I cannot believe it.

We still have much to do, but thankfully we did a lot on the front end.

Pray for me. Seriously.

I am thrilled out of my mind to meet Samuel earlier than planned, but I am stressed about all the packing and prep work we have left to do!

Keep us in your prayers as we do some 'mad packing'; we don't want to forget anything, since we won't be able to get most things in Uganda, (and if we can get them, they're over-priced).

...

Ahhhh! We meet Sam in 8 or 9 days! Wow! Exciting! It's happening! We're so close now!

...

Ok.

Take a deep breath before I get to this next part, 'cause I know some of you may be tired of it, but here goes:

We need to pay our agency immediately...

With the change of dates, they will need us to pay ASAP so they can get our attorney in Uganda, (and other people we will work with there), paid!

If you were thinking about donating to bring Sam home, now's the time!

We leave in exactly 7 days, and we need to pay today.

If you want to be a part of his homecoming story, here's how:

Online

• Go to our agency's website
• Click the 'Donate Now' button
• Click 'Donate' button
• Fill in the amount you wish to donate
• Click the 'Continue' button
• Fill in the 'Description:' line with the following "Donation for the Cormican adoption" (this is very important)
• Fill in the rest of the form with your information and click 'Pay Now' when you are ready to submit your payment

Check 

• Email me or Facebook message me for my address and I will provide it, (we will still need money in Uganda to pay our translator and transportation to and from court and Embassy appointments
• My parents will be checking our mail for any checks that they can deposit for us, so it will get deposited into the adoption account and wired to us when needed.

(Feel free to share this post with others! Every bit helps!)

Thank you so much for your support. We wouldn't be at this point without you! Your encouraging words, prayers, hugs, and donations have kept us going and mean more than you could ever know!

Here's one more picture of Sam to remind you what this is all about, (iand in case you needed just a little bit more reason to get involved)!

 

20 Days Till Take-Off and Fundraiser Photos

***IMPORTANT UPDATE - PLEASE SEE MOST RECENT BLOG POST!***

I can hardly believe that less than three weeks from now is our last day in the States before we leave for Uganda.

It almost doesn't feel real that we are this close...

...to leaving

...to having to be prepared for two months of living in Africa.

...to having to be packed for Tony and I, plus our son who we've never met. (Tell me, how do you pack for a child you don't know the size of!?)

...to strange foods and bottled water.

...to walking in a land of red dirt.

...to friends who are excited to see us, who have never met us.

...to seeing orphanages filled with innocent little faces.

...to being called 'Mama' for the first time in my life.

... to be someone's mama.

20 days from now is the day before we leave our home for a land we've never been to, but our son will always consider his first home.

It's terrifying.

It's crazy.

It's exciting!

I can hardly wait to share the photos with you, my friends. I am looking forward to that day, and the day that I post saying "We're here - we made it to Uganda!" Until then, here are some photos of the process; these are little reminders of how far we've come on this journey... together!

The 'Oceans' tees have been sent, and here I am in mine! Love it!

The Africa-Heart Vinyl stick order raised a few hundred more dollars for our adoption, and they turned out great!

Sent in our dossiers in January 2015!

The completed home study, (with our new agency), back in September 2014!

We finished painting and most of the prep of Sam's room in the summer of 2014... we've been ready for him for a long time! Since this picture was taken, a wonderful friend put in an overhead light/fan combo so the lamp in the picture is now gone, but now there's a big mess on the floor from all our packing!

"Did You Get To Pick One?" and other questions you may want to reconsider...

I am typically a woman of many words, but when it came to writing a blog post on this topic, I admit that I felt very unsure of how to word it.

Thankfully for me, another adoptive mama, Abby Valas, recently blogged on this topic, and gave me permission to repost her original blog post on my blog.

I love her post, because of her honesty; I too know that no question is ever meant to offend - friends and family simply want to know about our son and our adoption process, even if sometimes it comes out all wrong!

This blog post is for those of you who have no idea how to approach some more sensitive questions when talking to adoptive families, as well as for those of you who are adopting/have adopted and need a reminder that the vast majority of questions that come at us are out of genuine interest, even if poorly worded.

Please note: I have taken the liberty to bold two parts that I personally found very important to Tony and I, however they were not bolded in Abby's original post.

So sit back, relax and enjoy a good read from my (Facebook) friend, Abby:

"Political correctness...hmmm...not really my thing. I have come a long way in my 31 years and have actually developed a pretty sufficient filter. It works when I need it to. My dear friends who have stuck with me all these years can tell you that I've put my foot (or whole stinking' leg) in my mouth more times than I'd like to admit. So, what I want to share with you is something that I would have needed a few years back, and probably even just before I became an adoptive Mommy. In recent weeks, I've seen countless articles, blog posts, and various other forms of media on the topic of 'What not to say to an adoptive family' or 'What every adoptive family wants you to know.' They just keep popping up, so I feel led to respond and address the issue.  For the record, I think that most of them are all crap. The ones I've read are self righteous, snotty, and have the general message of..."I'm better than you and you have NO idea what I'm going through....OR how amazing I am." Like I said...crap.


I think I have a pretty thick skin and am not easily offended...like ever...quite possibly because I have often been the offender a time or two...or most of the time. So, here's the deal friends...I'm going to take you through some of the questions/comments that I've fielded that those "other" moms think are sooooo offensive and give you some alternatives. We all know that it's never what we say that gets us into trouble. It's the way we say it and the words we choose. I think that the general public outside of the adoption community simply doesn't know the 'right' words to use when asking these questions. And many adoptive families are honestly incredibly hypersensitive. From my experience, most of these 'offensive' questions and comments have come from close family and friends...All people who love us dearly and would never say anything to hurt us. Please know that if you have asked any of these, I was not offended in the least and am so honored that you would love me and my family enough to want to know. Please keep asking! These comments and questions come from a really good place...a place of love, and really just simple curiosity. And that, my friends, is OKAY!


So, here we go... in no particular order...


1. 'Why did her real mother/parents give her up?' or worse..'Why didn't her real parents want her?'

I have heard this one quite a bit. Okay, let's start by defining "real parents." What is a "real" parent? A real parent is the one who holds and rocks her baby's little body when she's sick; the one who wipes tears, boogers, butts, and God only knows what else; who tells her she's smart and important, who encourages her and believes in her when she doesn't believe in herself, who chases the monsters away at night, who grounds her when she's 15 for being a sassy, backtalking pain in the rear...and a million other things. That's a 'real' parent. Any yahoo can do the deed and give birth. It's what comes after all that that makes someone a parent. So, I am her REAL parent. The end. The second part to this one is that it's simply not my story to tell. That story belongs to my daughter. It is hers and hers alone. I think that she has a right to know her own story before the rest of the world does. If she chooses to share that story, then it's hers to share. Until she can make that decision, I will hold it like my life depends on it. I will protect it and keep it just for her. She owns her story. Not me. It's not mine to share. So honestly, this question is one that is best left alone. If an adoptive mom wants to share these details with you, she will.



2. 'Did you get to pick one?'

Okay, I admit, I kind of chuckle a little when I hear this one. Yes, I got to go in and pick the shiniest, prettiest one with the best 'new car' smell! Ummm, no. That's not at all how this works, folks. :) The Earthly logistics go something like this...family applies for adoption with an agency...lots and lots and LOTS of paperwork happen...the agency matches your family with a child that they feel will best fit with your family. Now, with that said, God chose my daughter for me. She was always mine and has been from the beginning of time. Just because I did not physically give birth to her, does not mean that she's any less mine than the ones that did grow within me. She grew in another woman's womb, but God made her for us and us for her. She was created to be a Valas as she was perfectly knitted together in her birthmother's womb. So, yes...someone 'picked one.' It was my Father. :)

Instead of saying that, try this: 'So I'm very interested. Please tell me how this all works? How did your child become part of your family?'


3. 'Do you have any children of your own?' or 'Are you going to have any of your own?'

Let's refer back to #1 and #2. My daughter is 'my own' just as much as any of my other kids are 'my own.'  We all know what you meant and it wasn't malicious, but instead try wording it like this: 'Do you have other/biological children too?' As for the second question, let's just leave this one alone. Couples choose adoption for different reasons. Maybe they had fertility issues and they don't want to tell you about every little detail....because well...it's none of your dang business. If so, maybe they will continue to grow their family through adoption. In any case, ALL of our children are our OWN children. These questions are ones that are usually best left alone unless you are extremely close to that adoptive mom/family...and in that case, you'd likely already know those answers and wouldn't need to ask in the first place.


4. 'What's wrong with her?'

Okay, this one does increase my blood pressure a bit. When people learn that your child is special needs, the immediate knee-jerk response is...'well, what's wrong with her?' Alrighty....well there's nothing wrong with her. She's pretty perfectly awesome if you ask me or any other adoptive mom adopting a special needs child. Now, I know that people don't mean to be insensitive, and I absolutely keep that in mind all the time. A better way to ask this would be: 'I bet she's precious! What's her special need?'


5. 'She is so lucky!'

We are blessed to be her parents for sure. WE are very lucky to have been given such a gift. However, let's not forget why adoption exists in the first place. Adoption is born of great tragedy. In a perfect world, she would stay with her birth parents to be loved and cared for in her own country, immersed in her own culture surrounded by her family and people who look just like her. Unfortunately, we live in a horribly broken world where adoption is a last resort...especially international adoption. So, no. I would not consider her 'lucky.' Yes, her life and ours will be blessed immeasurably by adoption.  Instead, try this: 'What a blessing she will be to your family!'


6. 'How much did she cost?'

Okay friends, adoption is freakin' expensive! What you mean to say and should say is this: 'I've heard that adoption is very costly. If you don't mind me asking, what was the cost for your process?' Personally, I have absolutely zero issue answering this question. In fact, I like to share that information because I think it's important for people to know what you're going through financially. If another family is considering adoption, the cost is a huge factor to consider. If it's family and friends of an adoptive family, it's important for them to know too so that they may be able to help with fundraising efforts if they choose.


7. 'Why don't you adopt from the US? Our foster care system has tons of children who need families.' or  'International adoption is just a fad that celebrities started.'

Again, people choose adoption in general for many different reasons. I won't get into my personal reasons for international vs. domestic because it's just not relevant in this particular post. What I will say is that it's not anyone's place to make judgements of adoptive parents and the ways in which they choose to grow their families. If you genuinely want to know and are asking with a pure and loving heart, then I think that is perfectly okay. I'm happy to share my reasons with anyone who asks me. As for the second question here, just don't go there. It proves you're an ignoramus and that's just not something you want to advertise. It's not becoming.




One major rule...only ONE! Never, ever, ever ask any questions or make any comments in front of the child or any of the family's children. Ever. It's a big no no. Don't do it. Just don't!


I think I've covered the high points here, the ones that I've fielded or heard discussed within the adoption community. So, if you're the family or friends of an adoptive family and have asked any of these, just consider rewording your questions next time. And adoptive families, FOR THE LOVE...get your undies out of your rear and your nose out of the air and understand that these questions aren't meant to offend you. They usually come from people who love you and care for you. Use these moments as teaching moments and just talk to your loved ones (or even random strangers) and gently let them know what's okay and what's not. Now, there may also be instances where you do encounter the intentionally mean, hateful, or insensitive, in which case, you may bring out the claws. I don't have a cure fore stupid...sorry. :) 


As for my own family and friends (and also even random strangers) I'm an open book. If you've found my blog, even if we've never met, you're on this journey with us too, so welcome friend! If you want to know, just ask. If you're following our journey, you're connected to us and our little family in some way....big or small...you're connected.


Thanks for traveling with us!


Love, Abby :)"

Thank you again, Abby, for giving me permission to repost this blog post from your blog, A Long Road Home From India, and thank you, readers, for taking the time to understand better adoption-related questions! Like Abby, Tony and I are pretty open about our adoption process, so feel free to ask!

6th Fundraiser complete - His name is ...

Today's the day!

As of last night, enough money has been donated to buy the next letter, which is 'M'...

And the reason the last letter was so 'expensive' was because we figured we'd give you the rest of the letters after you got to the third...

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That's right, friends, I am so happy to finally tell you that his name is:

Samuel comes from the Hebrew name שְׁמוּאֵל (Shemu'el) which could mean either "name of God" or "God has heard". We think "God has heard" is such an appropriate name for a boy waiting for his family and for a family waiting for their son - all of our prayers have been heard by God! It is a fantastic multicultural name, and a strong one.

And Samuel is his name-o!

Thank you to everyone who participated in this fundraiser! Your donations will help us to give Samuel a family and to bring him home! (And, a bit selfishly, I now can use his name in public! Woohoo! This has been difficult for me to keep a secret, so thank you for freeing me up to share!)