Interlude

I know I owe an update, and the truth is that as hard as I have been working on it, it's still really stretching me to put to words, especially on this platform.

In the meantime, I have decided to write a little 'interlude', if you will... A blog post for the meantime, until I am ready to post and share our experience with our sweet boy's adoption.

I was listening in on a dinnertime discussion between my boys, and my smart little almost-3-year-old asked my hubby if he loved him "All the way up to the stars"? Tony said, "Yes, and all the way back again." (Our family's little 'How much do I love you?' question.) Sam's response surprised me, when he asked: "Why?" And oh the many thousands of reasons we could list, (and we will, someday when his attention span and ability to comprehend isn't quite so limited). But for tonight, his dad's answer was, "Because, you are MY son." The answer must have been more than sufficient, because in the sweetest voice, my little boy exclaimed: "That's AMAZING!"

It is, my child, it is.

There were many times when I was scared enough to fly home and leave Uganda as a memory, times when a person of authority could have said "no way" to us raising him, and an extended time period the U.S. held us up from bringing him home... So it is amazing looking back and seeing God's hand weave our son into our family.

As I reminisce and bask in the 'amazingness' of calling Sam our son, I beg God to never let me forget the journey, the battle and our family's story.

This is that cry of my heart, (put to words as best as I can), but there are no earthly words to fully express my heart for my dear child and our story of his sonship.

Lord, let me never forget
The battle we fought for his precious little life
The journey we took to make him our son
The days we had to 'fake' it
And the moment we finally made it

Lord, when I lose my patience
Let me remember how I begged You to bring him home
Let me remember my desire to parent him
Let me remember every pain that brought me closer to him
And to You

Lord, let me never forget kissing my son goodbye
The sting of the tears at the airport
The day I started to know Your heart as a parent
The way in which You would fight for meUntil the final blast of the horn

Lord, when I get lost in the day-to-day,
Let me remember what life looked like without him,
Let me remember my loss of control when You took over,
Let me remember the fight that brought me closer to You,
And made me fully his mother.

Father, may I always remember how You fought for me as I fought for him,
How you fulfilled all Your promises,
How You were faithful when I was about to lose faith,
How Your love brings me home to you
And how it brought my son home to me.

Wishing you and yours a day filled with love, this Valentines Day! May you know how deep, how high, how far and how wide God's love is for you, as your Father... Even higher than the stars, and all the way back down to earth again.